Had to say NO

Wednesday October 11 at 6am we got a referral, and tonight Saturday, the 14th of October, after speaking to a IA MD we had to say no. I am so disappointed, glad we found out at home but sad none the less. the IA MD felt she was high risk. When we asked her at the end, is she fairly indicative of what I would expect, the IAMD said no she is below average and although several issues were common she had more and they looked worse. Her mental reliability, being a special needs child was in serious question. So we emailed the agency, their preferred way to comunicate, that we would have to pass on her.
SO maybe my next post will say something better!

Thank You GOD!!!

Here is the latest email from my agency!

Your documents have been accepted by the committee!!! Hurray! Now we wait while the committee looks for a referral. This is a big step forward!!!!!
I was going to call you, but it is 6:22 our time, a bit early where you are.

adding on

The Committee is reviewing my new documents is what I have learned from my agency, I had emailed her asking her if they had been submitted and she said they were reviewing them and we have no word yet. SO we wait.

All you need is love!

Well anther week went by and we did not get our referral. I did not hear at all from my agency last week, I would prefer an email saying "nothing new to report" as apposed to quiet. We had to do some additional documents for the committee, and I think they were being submitted today. So if they read them at the time of submission then I would expect some word, well today. Most likely they submit and then they review. I am hoping to travel soon! I pray to God daily for speed, for patients, for faith and for love for ALL the children of the world. I send love to my baby everyday, I think this poor child is alone and feels like she has no family who loves her and needs her, yet she does! She has a whole world that she does not even know is waiting for her. She does not not that her 9 yr old brother wants, no insists on being the first person to hug her and kiss her when she gets to America. She does not know all the love that she will get by becoming our little girl. She is SO loved!

Rainbows and Miracle

Life is God's Novel let him write it!!!

I love this, I read it and it keeps playing in my mind. More and more this is the message I get at every turn!

Today I sent off more paperwork that the committee wanted so they felt they could give us a miracles.

I need a miracle.

There was a rainbow today coming home, maybe...

God's timeline

So the BIG message I have gotten this week, is that God is in control not me. I have been following a blog of a Mother who just posted a count down to her daughters life threatening surgery. This little girl's Mother had made such peace with this event and even found peace, not in loosing her, but in comfort of God's arms, God's bigger plan, God's will. This little girl is still Fighting for her life, it is in God's hands now.
So bringing this to my life, God is in control. Everything is blessed. The adoption is so much slower then I thought it was. I am sadden and stressed by this and at times ready to give up, yet I always have the strength to move forward. I love her, just the idea, the dream of her, God will get her to me! God will make my dreams come true! He knows her, he found me for her and has tried to slow me down so I could get her, funny me I keep trying to go at my pace and I keep thinking she needs me, she needs to be home, NOW, but God is making me wait. I would like it better if he got her ready for me a little quicker, but then that is not the lessen I am to be learning from him.
For now I pray for her, pray that the committee will be satisfied and will send me to go to her, meet her, go to court for her and then bring her home and give her the love, the family and the life she is meant to live!

Hope is what gets us through

Deuteronomy 7:6 that says" Out of all the people on the face of the earth, the Lord has chosen you to be His special, treasured possession" and that you are the God of "Hope" filling all that trust in you with joy and peace so that we may overflow with "Hope" by the power of your Spirit(Romans 15:13).

More Paperwork!!

The committee wants more paperwork from us. The good news is that it means they are looking at our file and "thinking" about us. The bad news is the documents are from CA and they take a very long time to do anything!! I expected them to be here by Friday and as of today they are not hear. So I wait and try to "learn" that God wants this to take a little while longer, now me I am ready to go today but the bigger plan is not that. This process has definitely brought me closer to faith and God then I have ever been, even through the birth of my two boys, clearly a gift from God, did bring me as close to God as I feel now. It is the control issue that has brought me closer to God. I am not in control, normally I control everything and this I can not control. So I must give the control to God. No matter how I beg him to bring me to my child, my sweet little girl, he is asking me to learn to be patient. That process is growing my faith.

Blog I follow

SO I have been flowing several adoption blogs and one of them has a special place for me. This family has no children and has been trying to adopt for at least a year, that is how long I have been following and they have been waiting for close to 2 years, I think. Anyway each Monday I read this persons blog and I feel her pain, I share it even though I do not know her. I am her. Only she has so much faith and such a close relationship with God that thru reading her blog I feel closer to God myself. So each week I read to see how she is coping and what news she has and I have come to hope that she gets their referral before we get ours. How could I, mother of 2 get yet this 3 rd little priceless girl, before this young mother and father to be. Even though I am at much less desirable age then them I KNOW they had to go before me, and they have! So now it is only me left! My Turn!! I want my girl and know God will bring her to us! For my internet blog family, Best wishes and THANK YOU!!

45 things to live by.

Written By Regina Brett, 90 years old, of The Plain Dealer, Cleveland , Ohio

"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most-requested column I've ever written.

My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:
1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone...
4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret,you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will this matter?'
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
33. Believe in miracles
. 34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's,we'd grab ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
42. The best is yet to come.
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
44. Yield.

45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift."

today is going to be MY day

I am ready for today to be the day! When I wake up I am going to have a referral! Can someone let Russia know just in case they do not get this memo! Why now, why me? God only knows but I know it is here! I will let you know today, later when I wake up, it is 130am in Seattle it is 12:30 pm in Moscow so right now they are working for meeeeeeeee!
Thank goodness!
j

Just waiting

Well all is quiet on the paperwork game. It looks like for now, I have no paperwork to do. I am WAITING! I have been waiting for almost 2 weeks now. Okay I know that is not a long time, but it took me over a year to get to this point, so it seems very very long to me. Also I choose an slightly older child age range just to slow the waiting down a bit. Well a lot, a baby can take more then a year, baby girl even longer, up to 2 almost as long. For some reason 3 years not so long. I really am not a patient person, not my strongest virtue by any means. For now, I wait. Up at 5 am to see if overnight I have gotten a email telling me I am invited to Russia to meet Baby! Ready to go now by the way, just in case you are wondering.

2 to 3

So I ranted a little on that last one. How I obsess.
What I have noticed is there are a lot of other families just like mine. 2 boys, bio and now adopting a little girl from Russia. How weird is that? I know of at least 3 other families just like me. Kind of interesting! I love my boys and if I had one of each sex I would still be wanting to adopt, maybe not so hot only a girl. Life did not go that way and I have 2 of the most amazing boys in the world and now I NEED the girl!
Jules+girl=girl world!

Game: Back on track

Well once again my paperwork is back in Russia! Okay party time, no wait do not send out the invitations yet-even though a copy was sent via PDF file the real thing may have some sort of issue. Pessimistic, yes, but since I have been down the "party road" before and that did not go over so well. Okay back to today. I know that I have mentioned the 3 yr old headed girl that got my eye, well breaking all the rules I asked my agency, for the third time to find her, find information and get her scope. How it started was at 11pm I checked the Adoption site for Russian's to see if her picture was still up and sure enough it was up, but there was a new picture, back up I am jumping ahead. I checked at 11 and then again at 12:30 am and the picture had changed. So I know for a fact that she is still there! Not spoken for and getting close to being open if not already open for US adoption. So I asked. I felt so ashamed to ask them but I HAD to. Had to know. Even is the answer is no, I can not have her, then at least I would Know and not hope, not pray for her for me. Since I am writing this for my daughter, if it is NOT her, if that girl is NOT mine then I will edit all of this out so my "real" daughter will not know how I longed for this other little girl. What I did not want to happen was get a referral accept it only to then see this girl and know I passed her by. I would have always wondered. So I am bad crazy girl. She is a needle in a hay stack! Even if they find her, now I know I could but that is only because I am a freak, they may not ever let her go to US family. She could have some issue that I am NOT willing to deal with. I think she is a caretaker favorite, she is loved, and well taken care of. I think she IS mine! And if she becomes yours I wish her and you all the love!

Pictures or no Pictures

Funny thing about Moscow vs St Petersburg, in Moscow we needed tons of pictures of us, in the family room, just the kids, just us plus 1 picture of the house and one of ss's room. But in Moscow they only wanted one picture of the family and tons of the house, every room in our house, and I have a big house. So all these pictures get notarized and they go inside the Home Study, this way the SW can tell Russia that the pictures are indeed my house and someone elses. Well in our case our SW did not include them with the HS for a few reasons, one the HS was 27 pages long and that was thinker then he could staple, 2 our pictures were to big, and 3 he just did not like the directions that he had to follow and he revolted when ever he could. So when we had to change the HS verbiages last week, not one person at our agency could remember if the pictures were in Russia, only that we did not have them now on the new copy of the HS! So I have been waiting to confirm that they do have them in Russia since Friday, now it is Monday 6 pm in Russia and still no word weather they have them or not. This would be a huge pain to redo, I have the pictures, but I would have to have HS guy redo a letter, re notarize and re go to Olympia with them, so I am hoping they are where they should be, sitting on a desk somewhere in Russia, in my "file". No news today is not good news!

Dazed and Confused

Well in my step forward step back, game I have been playing, the one I thought ended took anther turn. I wake up to a call from my Mom asking if I have read my email this morning? (Note: Yes I have given my Mom my password and she is checking my email too, for Russian information.) First I am blurry eyed trying to digest that I am still asleep at 7:50 when I need to be getting the kids up and ready for school 30 mins ago, 2 My Mom is going off about yet more incorrect paperwork from Russia and we needed to go to Olympia again! Call HS guy and get on the move ASAP! All of this in a very fuzzy cloud of morning goow! Well several hours later and lots of emails panic and tears later, it was a mistake and they should have what they are looking for in Russia at the office of the Agency. Since by the time I got the email it was 8am PST, 11am est and that is where my agency is, and after 9pm in Russia on a Friday Night, now I offer more money for them to drive to the agency in Russia to confirm that the pictures are in fact on the desk.but that does me no good. No one can recall them being there. I KNOW I sent them. So they told me to "relax", me and my psychotic Mom!

Documents back to Rusia

Okay Re did the documents, sent them to NH and now we are on our way back to Russia! So they should be in St Petersburg by Monday.
Back on track.
Missing her and need her home!

Overnight Again...

Well now I have overnighted my homestudy to NH again!! It should be there by 3 pm tomorrow, then off to Russia via DHL. They have email forms of these documents in Russia already.

Homestudy

Rewite done and aproved, love the internet and email! So I just need to get hard copies!
Slow delay but moving forward!

Step back

Home Study did not pass in Russia, something about a translation issue that needs to change because one word translate very poorly, so it has to be redone, AGAIN! Sucks! But better now then later! I am trying to get HS guy to fix it fast, all he has to do is cut and paste one paragraph plus change out weights, they very too.
Uhg!

New Game

Well I am now playing the long awaited "waiting" game. I thought I was playing this game before, but I was fooled! That last game was the paperwork game! LOL! So now I sit back and look pretty! SO now I wait until that one little girl that is perfect for me is ready and I get that LOOOOOOOOOOONG awaited email inviting me to St Petersburg Russia. Judges are back from the Summer break, Moscow is back to work so sit back hold on and enjoy the ride. Now we have the looming Holiday break in front of us like a brick wall, and yes I will try crashing thur! I have been hurt a lot on this ride, it is not by Walt Disney, not for the faint at heart. But I am hoping for a fastpass here!

Fear not

I have never heard this song, but I love the lyrics that I have read, and it feels appropriate: “Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, Your perfect love is casting out fear. And even when I’m caught in the middle of the storms of this life, I won’t turn back, I know You are near. And I will fear no evil for my God is with me. And if my God is with me, whom then shall I fear? Whom then shall I fear? Oh no, You never let go, through the calm and through the storm. Oh no, You never let go in every high and every low. Oh no, You never let go. Lord, You never let go of me.”
Much love ~

TAH DAH

I am in Russia!! Well my paperwork is! And that is an amazing feat. Next stop... nwa and us in Russia, hold on baby girl, Mommy and Daddy are coming!!!!!!!!!

W H E N?

DHL is my hero!

So after all this my documents lost and redone are now in Finland, after leaving Germany and on the way to RUSSIA!!
Happy days

not quite there

Fed Ex lost the last 5 documents I was resending to my agency! The beloved Home study, which started of as $1200, then with revisions add $300, more revision $300 more and now $150 more because agency still was not happy, new agency and only HS agency have not played well together, so last Thursday picked them up and then sent to FCL overnight Saturday delivery for $85 more, plus $75 to the Secretary of WA, but worse then the money, I was done! 100% done they were sending my stuff to Russia today!! Not after review not next week T O D A Y !!!!
Well Sunday agency emailed, no HS, fed ex said oops sorry by 8 am Monday, and then at 10;05 EST they claimed to have dropped it off on the door step. 1024 agency emails me to say they did not get it and they had called Fed Ex and no one was calling them back and well, I went to my local Fed Ex store, where I go 2 plus times a week, for work, and they said oops to bad call the 800 number, well not quite good enough for me so they Asst Manager got involved and finally at 8pm EST someone calls agency to tell them the package was dropped off across the street next to the mailbox. Agency is pissed off too, it should have been there Saturday, not today, it should have been there by 8am, no, and just left across the street, is so WRONG! Now I love fed ex, they are always good to me, this is the first time I have ever had an issue with them. But this is really a big one! They told me 329pst that the driver would call me, I called them back at525pm and did not here back and then now I just called the manager at 828pm and she said she would start calling around to try to figure out why the driver did not call me back.

Almost to Russia

With any luck, by the end of the week my documents will be in Russia!

PARTY TIME!!!!!!!!!

Apostilles!!!!

Okay so I think that even the word sounds important "APOSTILLES" and for me it is the end of phase ONE! The paperwork night mere! It is not just that you have to do some 69 documents but rather getting the person, the only person, that I need to either do a letter, give me a letter, a signature or some copy of a licence! It has been a process, two times over! But I am sending taking it to the Secretary of State for apostilles in the am!!!!!!!!!!! WHEW!!!!!!!!! PARTY TIME!!!

Almost to the finish line...

Home Study is almost done!!!!!!!! Wow!! Not quite their and our HS agency has not been very user friendly!! But with a whole lot of pushing the paperwork is almost done! I am so looking forward to be waiting for Russia and not some person that I am paying a lot of money to not finish a job pre paid, that he has been sitting on since the end of May!!!!!!!!

But it is near done and all this waiting to get the paperwork done is almost done!!! It is party time and for the first time in almost a year I am out of this paper trail and off to the race for a spot at the end of the summer break!!!

I am a happy girl and I am so glad that hs guy is nearly complete!

Giant step forward!!!

Well 3 months to the day I have completed all the new documents for my new Dossier and I have a complete rewrite of the Home study! I am just waiting approval and then we are off to Russia. Okay so I have skipped one step, go to Olympia WA for Apostilles, did I mention that I have over 31 Documents that have and average of 3 copies each at $15.00 per document...no one said this was an inexpensive process! And at this point who cares! I just want my "fate" in the hands of the Russian government, and not some one here that is holding me up, now it is in someone hand elses and no longer mine!!! Now if I can just get the copies I need of my HS to bring to Olympia I will be in great shape, and my home study guy is fantastic!

SS or Strawberry Shortcake

So from this point moving forward I am going to refer to the future baby girl ages 1 to 3 as healthy as possable with prefernce of red hair and green eyes AKA needle in the hay stack as SS or Strawberry Shortcake. For those of you who do not know Strawberry shortcake is a doll, she has red hair and geen eyes and she wears red and pink. Loved her when I was little and it works. I have not bought SS this doll, Wow something I have not bought yet!!

Still waiting for the revised Homestudy

Feels like forever, but then when it is over feels like a dream. Well I am still hoping to get my paper work done! I am just waiting on the home study to be complete! My boys are so ready. They are as excited for their sister as I am. The room is now "SS" room. They correct me when I call the room the "guest room" and they sold Lemonade at a garage sale and bought her Barbie's on sale at the store! So sweet! Summer is warm and they are at the beach with my Mom. I am off with a hurt ankle. All is good! Thank you!

The little 3 yr old w/ red hair and green eyes

So I have a picture of a girl that may or may not be still available. I have seen 100's of photo's of orphans that I have seen. Some I have thought wow that could be my daughter with out any attachment, and when I find they have been adopted I am so happy for them and their new family. But there is one, red hair, green eyes just turned 3 and oh how I am in love with her! They could tell me anything and my answer would be "yes" I will take her. She is my daughter, big sigh. I am trying to get her! I adore her! I ask God daily to make her mine. I send her love morning noon and night. This is me putting it out to the world that I have broken the rules and fallen in love with this little angel! I had a dream about HER before I ever even saw her picture! I dreamt she was mine and then the next day I saw her photo and she was just as I had desired her. I would be so grateful to have such a daughter! I would love her, and take care of her and help her become the wonderful person that my boys are becoming, I would give her the most amazing Brothers any child could have and her dad, well he is the best. She will get love and hope and joy! God this is my prayer, my soul asking for this very big favor! Help me get my little angel!

paperwork is the name of the game

It is my turn and I am off and running to do paperwork, and to get the people around me to do thiers! It is a game I always feel like I am loosing, I was done in early may, well I thought but then NOOOOOOOO more to go! So we will see!

Home Study

SO when I relocated to the new agency I need to completely change my Homestudy. I was bragging to my new agency how great my HS guy was, how fast he is, and how quickly he responds, NOT!!! I can no longer get him to email me, or give me a timeline or price to change the home study! HELP ME!!! He is great! I need him quick! Pray for godspeed! Pray for my little girl!

Dreams

Well it has been a big month since my last post. First I changed agency's. region's and that has left me from done with paperwork to! Yeah! To HAHA now you have to start from scratch! FUN!!
I had a birthday, My husband had a birthday, Mother's Day, Fathers day, School's out for the boys, Immigration approval (hello! That should have gotten it's own blog.) Money is in the bank!!! And many other things that I am not thinking about at this late hour.
Bottom line I am on a new path and that is the way it is.
Today my little girl is just a dream, tomorrow she WILL be a reality! That is it!

Top Ten Tips for the First Year of Placement

Top Ten Tips for the First Year of Placement
By Deborah Gray, MSW, MPA

http://www.attach.org/10debgray.pdf

Last Doc done!

The last document that I needed for our Dossier came in the weekend mail! I will photo copy and send them off to my agency for approval! Some 30+ doc's. On our way. Step forward.

"Never Tell me the Odds" Hans Solo

Well now I am quoting "Empire Strikes back"
I was told by my agency that Moscow is closing down for three months! That the Mayor of Moscow has chosen to close down from June-August, I have not seen this posted anywhere and it is not on any website I can find, maybe it was a dream! More like a night mere. I really thought I would be in Russia by now. Well at least be on my way. Paperwork is near done. Just waiting for immigration appointment in a week and a half.

We got our immigration Appointment!!!!!!

In the state of Washington you must mail in your I600A and Homestudy and then they send you your appointment schedule, well today We got our appointment-Wednesday May 6 at noon. 1 day before my birthday! The not so great part was I was hoping to have paper work submitted to Moscow by then, but whatever! I can not control their timeline! So I am pleased to be moving forward! And now I have some time to complete the rest of the paperwork and be on our way! Each step and we are closer to bringing home our baby!
Jules

Happy Easter

So with each holiday passing I think that next time I see this Holiday I will have "her" with us! On days like today she is in are thoughts and prayers and I hope she knows how much we love her.
Just working on the dossier paper work, waiting for immigration to send us an appointment for finger printing,
So Happy Easter!

Very uplifting!!!!!!!!!!

http://www.lshs64.com/enjoytheride.html

Very uplifting!!!!!!!!!!

http://www.lshs64.com/enjoytheride.html

Well 2 steps forward 2 steps sideways!

It does not seem to fail I keep feeling like I never get ahead with this process. Once I think I am done, more things to do! I do not know how anyone does it! I am ready to go, in my mind only, to Moscow and Adopt our little Russian sweetheart! What may make it worse is searching the Russian Data Base, I see you but I can not have you! Then you watch them disappear off the Data base, and puff they are gone! One of these days, soon it will be us in Moscow picking up that very special girl, Samantha. See you soon Baby doll, Mommy loves you dearly, as does Daddy and your 2 bug brothers that talk about you like you are here! XOXO Sweetheart!

SS's Room, my current Favorite room in the house.

Us in our living room.

D1 and M2, one of my all time favorite Pictures of my 2 boys!

Older Posts

For Samantha
Wednesday, October 8, 2008

One of my "key" choices in life is to NOT waste time or wish time away. Hard to do that when you are going thru the adoption process! I am ready today, but no ones else knows this and most certainly Ukraine does not know this. :) Patients has never been my strongest virtue, I guess that is why I am being tested!Jules
Posted by Jules at 1:20 AM 0 comments
Thursday, September 25, 2008

And we are on our Way
So I am just at the beginning. After months of research hard choices and lots of family discussions we have entered the process of International Adoption. We are looking for our little girl. At first we thought she was in Russia but it seems that Ukraine is her spot. Ukrainian Angels is our guide, our light and holding our hands, not to mention saving us thousands of dollars and allowing us to even do this! Thank you Cathy Harris you are amazing!!So who are we, We are a family of four. Michael and I and our two amazing boys Domenic and Mitchel who are so willing to do any thing and give up anything to make this happen. They are truly amazing at ages 10 and 8. Such insight as to breaking down how much "less" they will get at every holiday, Christmas, vacation ect now that we will divide our assets by 3 kids instead of 2, but for them the pay off does not compare to having a little sister. They have heart!So we have started the home study, week 2. I want it done yesterday and I want to travel in the first 1/4 of the new year. LOL.
Posted by Jules at 10:05 PM 0 comments
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So I am now adopting from Russia, Moscow is the new plan. I am on my way. Well I think. We have choosen to leave the Ukraine and go to Russia. A few things happened that "moved" us to Russia. The first is Michael lost and then found a new job. So we do not have the time off to be out of the county for extended stay, and from everything I was reading it appreared to be running more then 6-8weeks. Now there is NO way to be away from my boys for that long, plus the money and the time off. Secondly Ukraine is saying that they no longer have healthy kids under age 6, well healthey or minor corectable problems. And lastly the program has been spotty at best. So now I am going to spend twice the money! Yeah! Way to go Jules!
SO why Moscow and Russia. Well I met a girl! LOL.