Game: Back on track

Well once again my paperwork is back in Russia! Okay party time, no wait do not send out the invitations yet-even though a copy was sent via PDF file the real thing may have some sort of issue. Pessimistic, yes, but since I have been down the "party road" before and that did not go over so well. Okay back to today. I know that I have mentioned the 3 yr old headed girl that got my eye, well breaking all the rules I asked my agency, for the third time to find her, find information and get her scope. How it started was at 11pm I checked the Adoption site for Russian's to see if her picture was still up and sure enough it was up, but there was a new picture, back up I am jumping ahead. I checked at 11 and then again at 12:30 am and the picture had changed. So I know for a fact that she is still there! Not spoken for and getting close to being open if not already open for US adoption. So I asked. I felt so ashamed to ask them but I HAD to. Had to know. Even is the answer is no, I can not have her, then at least I would Know and not hope, not pray for her for me. Since I am writing this for my daughter, if it is NOT her, if that girl is NOT mine then I will edit all of this out so my "real" daughter will not know how I longed for this other little girl. What I did not want to happen was get a referral accept it only to then see this girl and know I passed her by. I would have always wondered. So I am bad crazy girl. She is a needle in a hay stack! Even if they find her, now I know I could but that is only because I am a freak, they may not ever let her go to US family. She could have some issue that I am NOT willing to deal with. I think she is a caretaker favorite, she is loved, and well taken care of. I think she IS mine! And if she becomes yours I wish her and you all the love!